The Fear

I wanted to blog about something different today: my greatest fear (with regards to this competition). My greatest fear isn’t stepping on stage in my bikini or having an uneven tan (although that is a worry!); it’s the weight gain that will happen after the competition. I keep reading more and more about how a lot of people binge after a show and how in the days immediately after the show, their bodies simply bloat up regardless of what they eat. As far as post-show binging is concerned, I’m not overly concerned about this. I’m planning on working with Layne for two months post-show to help get me on a good off-season diet, and although I’m looking forward to enjoying some Christmas baking without worrying or calculating the macros, even my contest-prep diet has been so flexible that there aren’t many foods I’m seriously craving (although I'm extremely excited to eat at a restaurant or at friends’ houses and not need to know every ingredient and measurement!), but I am worried about this post-show bloat I keep reading about. I know Layne doesn’t cut water like most coaches do the week before the competition (thankfully!), so I don’t necessarily think my body will immediately retain any water and sodium, but I can’t really know for sure until the days after the competition. Not knowing what to expect is extremely unsettling, especially after spending weeks controlling everything that’s happening to my body.

The other thing that is rather terrifying to me is not knowing what my goal will be in the off-season, weight- and size-wise. I definitely do want to pack on more muscle (after leaning out, I’m finding that I’m far less muscular than I had always thought!), but the idea of gaining back those 20 lb I’ve worked so hard to lose makes me cringe (even though I thought I looked good back when I started!). As I’m shrinking, I’m becoming increasingly comfortable with my body. I feel like this is what I should naturally look like (I don’t think I’m becoming very bony; I think this light weight actually suits my frame), and it feels great to not have to worry about a muffin top and be able to walk without my thighs rubbing together! (Especially when my husband and I went hiking the last two weekends, it was wonderful to wear shorts and not have any chafing going on!)

I think I’m going to have to approach the off-season like I’m approaching the competition: I have to completely trust my coach and just follow his plan. Eventually, I will be able to find a balance (a weekly cheat/treat meal will definitely be in order), and with his mini-cuts (every 4-8 weeks, he’ll diet for 1-2 weeks to ensure he is making clean—i.e., muscle and not fat—gains), I'll find a size that will be maintainable for me. Easier said than done, of course, but it makes me far less anxious knowing that I’ll have a plan for the off-season. Failing to plan is planning to fail (but it's still scary!)

One week until Vegas, and under 3 weeks until the competition! Wonderful (and also scary!) things are coming my way!