Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

Everybody preaches about the elusive “balance” in life. A balanced diet, a balanced chequebook, balanced tires… but for many people, the balance with regard to diet and health is always out of reach.

I wouldn’t cheat on my husband, so why would I cheat on my diet?

This was the response I gave people during my first round of contest prep, when people would constantly ask, “Isn’t it hard to be so strict with your diet all the time?” It seemed so straightforward and obvious to me that I couldn’t understand why people started to regard me as being disciplined or having a strong sense of self-control. I couldn’t wrap my head around the difficulty people have when it comes to adhering to—or staying faithful to—a diet.

Similar to using the word reward with regard to food, using the word cheat is repugnant to me. However, it also seems to appeal to a lot of people. Consider this diet book that recently came on the market:

Amazon.com describes the book as follows:
“Dolvett’s effective eating plan is as easy as 3-1-2-1: three days of clean eating, one day of cheating, two more days of clean eating, and one final reward meal at the end of the week. No foods are off limits and you will never feel deprived because the plan is flexible enough to fit into any lifestyle.”
(Apparently, he also believes in using food as a reward!)

Can you imagine if we applied this logic regarding cheating to other areas of life? “It’s OK, Honey; it was my cheat day!” Think the auditor will give me a break if it was one of my designated cheat years on my income tax?

I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised that people are so drawn to the idea of cheating. After all, a lot of people have, at some point or another, cheated on a test at school. Just by glossing over most of the diet headlines on magazine covers, it’s obvious that most people want a quick fix. And a quick fix is really just a desire to cheat one’s physiology by speeding up a process that ought to be much more gradual. A lot of people are willing to lie (to themselves) and cheat their way to their goal weight (of course, this usually doesn’t last, and it’s usually just the beginning of another yoyo-diet phase).

The main issue I see in promoting cheating is that it sets people up for failure. In fact, it’s based on the assumption that people will cheat. And when people begin any program that from the start assumes that everyone is undisciplined, weak, and lacks self-control, the implication is that people will at some point fail and give up. If the diet plan has no faith in the dieter; why should the dieter have faith in him- or herself?

FYI: We can all do anything we put our minds to (diet included), and we are all stronger than we think we are. Don’t give away your strength to some diet “guru” who tells you otherwise. Decide, commit, and just do it!

Health Is Beautiful

So, my wonderful blog readers, it looks like I may have some ‘splaining to do! If any of you follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you likely saw the mass posting of pictures that occurred late last night. Sorry to blow up your news feeds, but I was pretty darn excited! I placed second in the Muscle Beach Fall Classic! Why might that sound familiar to you? Well, it was the very first show I did last year! And what a difference a year makes! I placed last one year ago, and this year, I placed second (out of a huge height class! There were close to 20 of us in my height class alone!), which qualified me for provincials again next year! (June 21, 2014! Be there!)

Second place!

My very first competition hardware!

What a difference a year makes!

You may have wondered why I didn’t post anything about this prep online. No “3 weeks out” or anything like that. Well, the reason is that I didn’t see it as “__ weeks out”! Although I made my final decision to compete just last week (barely making the cutoff to register without a late fee!), it had been something I’d been thinking about for a while. When I competed last year, I came off the contest and—still under Layne’s incredible guidance—reverse dieted (that is, I slowly increased my intake of carbs and fats to really help bolster my metabolic rate). Looking at pictures from that time, I think I looked better a few months after the contest than I did on competition day! I wondered if that would happen again this time. And since I was up less than a pound than I weighed at Nationals in mid-August, I figured why not!

Another reason I decided to compete was that I wanted to prove a point. All too often, people look at these kinds of fitness/physique shows as unhealthy. Indeed, if you troll Instagram for long enough, you’ll start to think that preparing for a bikini competition involves starving yourself for months on end (surviving on asparagus and tilapia, followed by a weekly binge), hours of endless cardio on a stepmill (fasted, of course!), and a peak week involving a worrying amount of water (10 L a day!). I’ve never wanted to prepare for a competition like this, and I never have (this was one major reason I chose to work with Layne). There is a better way, and I wanted to prove it.

One thing that really pushed me toward competing yesterday was an IFBB pro’s comment on Facebook last week. Someone had posted a photo shoot opportunity in two weeks that was almost guaranteed to be published in a fitness magazine (I thought about doing it, but it was a little pricey for me). Although she posted a few weeks back that she prided herself on gaining just a few pounds post-contest (5 lb), she lamented that she couldn’t do the shoot on such short notice. Wait—so she was incredibly lean on stage and supposedly gained just a few pounds since then (which likely did her body good and just replenished the fluids in her cells!) but still didn’t feel confident enough to take a few pictures? Was low self-esteem the issue (her stage presence suggests otherwise!)? Did she just need a reality check? Did these few pounds (which, if they were just a few pounds, she could lose in two weeks if she was desperate to) suddenly change her from being one of the fittest girls in the world to being out of photo shoot condition?

I’ll admit, I might have understood where she was coming from as I waited at the athletes meeting on Friday evening. I felt like an imposter in that room. Everyone there had been through weeks of restriction and hard work and hadn’t had a sip of water since that morning or afternoon. And here I was, sipping my peppermint tea after putting back more calories that day than some of these girls probably ate in two. Even though looks-wise, I more than fit in, I still doubted whether I should be there. On the other hand, this also strengthened my resolve to compete. I wanted to show people that it is possible to compete (and do well!) without severe restriction and self-harm.  After all, at a competition, we are judged on our total package and appearance and not on how much we suffered!

I keep hearing and reading about these girls who proclaim “It’s not a diet! It’s a lifestyle!”

While I wholeheartedly agree with this, the girls posting this stuff are usually the ones suffering through hours of cardio and restricted food choices (I guess this mantra helps curb hunger!). On the other side of things are the successful fitness models, who are pretty much photo shoot ready year-round (notice I specified the successful ones!). Yo-yo dieting from the “on” season to the “off” season is not only unpleasant (who wants to fluctuate 20 lb throughout a year??) and unhealthy, but it doesn’t have to be like that! With the help of a few key players, the fitness industry seems to be changing, and I definitely want to do my part!

So, second place! I’m working with Layne in the offseason, and we’ve reverse dieted so that I’m eating more than 200 g of carbs and 45 g of fat. I’m eating over 1 700 calories a day and weigh less than a pound more than I did at Nationals (give or take a few!). I’m *supposed* to do eight high-intensity intervals twice a week (so two 20-minute cardio sessions), but in reality, I usually skip it in favour of another date with the weights (although I did manage to get my cardio in once this month! On Thursday, I figured I should at least do one session!). My macros (or calories, if you prefer) are steady every day, I eat salt with abandon (and I love me some salt!), I’ve never cut or loaded water in my entire life, and I feel healthy. Clearly, the judges yesterday saw that too! Health is beautiful. NEVER sacrifice your health for anything, especially something as insignificant as a trophy or plaque (although I am quite proud of my plaque!). If anyone is thinking about competing, appreciate that it’s a long process, and keep your priorities in order; we are worth more than what we look like. Slow and steady really does win the race—or at least second place!

Food Freedom

This week, I wanted to blog about something that I’ve become especially aware of lately. I’m sure many of you have heard the “fitspirational” saying “Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog” that’s been going around lately.

This really struck a chord with me because we are SURROUNDED by advertising that tells us that food is a reward (see photo) and live in a culture that accepts this approach.

At the gym, I recently overheard two women talking about how they “earned” a hot dog at the company barbeque because they worked out. A week later, they mused how they rewarded themselves with two glasses of wine after their workout. Even on a recent Jillian Michaels podcast (yes, my guilty pleasure is out: I listen to her podcasts and have even listened to one of her audiobooks!), she made a comment to someone about maintenance in which she described it as “being allowed to eat more.”

Do we live in a culture of such deprivation that we have to allow ourselves to eat? That we need permission to indulge in the occasional (well, what should be occasional) unhealthy food, and that we have to earn it?

We are so focused on what we cannot have that we overlook what we can have. Food and diet are choices. No one makes the rules about what we can or cannot eat! I think the idea of permission is bound to fail because we will instinctively want to rebel against it. If there’s something we are not “allowed” to have, we will gravitate toward it. Like the forbidden fruit, if people are forced into categorizing food as good and bad, eventually, they will give in to temptation (and it won’t stop at an apple!). This black-and-white approach to food sets people up to failure not just for this reason, but because it takes away a person’s control. If someone doesn’t eat something just because they feel they’re not allowed to, that person is not making the conscious choice to eat something that will benefit his or her body. How many times has someone declined a sweet treat with the words “I really shouldn’t” when the words this person should be saying are “I choose not to”? On a separate podcast (I may have a slight podcast obsession), I heard another saying that I think is so true (and I apologize for using so many quotes, but I think they can sometimes summarize my thoughts better than I can myself!):

Nothing tastes as good as free will.

This is a spin on the popular “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” (which I think it just anorexia condensed into a sentence). To have choice is to have power. This quote came up when discussing how to encourage children to eat their vegetables. Simply by giving kids the choice between eating carrots or broccoli (or whatever other vegetable), the kids were more inclined to eat a vegetable because they felt that they had some control over what they were eating. If simply told to eat carrots, kids resisted. If we, as adults, were to remove our restrictions around what we feel we “can” and “cannot” eat, would this not have the same effect?

Along similar lines, I constantly see magazines that claim to have recipes for “guilt-free” foods (see photo).

Why does guilt need to be associated with food to begin with? What purpose does guilt serve in someone’s approach to their diet? Can anything constructive come from feeling guilty? (With regard to diet or anything else in life, really) If anything, guilt simply depresses us, and for people who deal with emotional eating, all this does is spur on these out-of-control binges (which then leads to more binging, and on and on). The best-case scenario is that guilt encourages someone to make a healthier choice, but is this really the ideal motivation? Are people really happy making a choice based on avoiding a negative emotion? Wouldn’t it be more constructive to make a choice based on a positive outcome? Instead of “guilt-free,” couldn’t we use words like “fresh” or “healthy” to describe these foods? I know it sounds less sexy to the masochists among us, but let’s get rid of the negative associations!

I know the emotions associated with food run deep, but I think a lot can be achieved by removing these negative feelings from our food choices. Food should never be associated with guilt or shame, regardless of how unhealthy they are. Food should also not be seen as a “reward”; no one “earns” diabetes or hypertension, regardless of how hard the workout! Illness does not benefit anyone! We all have the free will to choose the foods that will nurture the body we have or are working toward. The freedom of choice removes the shackles of guilt and permission and gives us the power to control our own health. Eat for your own well-being because (last cheesy quote here!) you’re worth it!

Accidentally in Love

I didn’t mean to like CrossFit this much. In fact, when I first saw the CrossFit box (i.e., gym), I started thinking I had made a huge mistake committing to four solid weeks of three times per week training. While the training looked intense and very intimidating, the whole CrossFit atmosphere and culture seemed incredibly tacky to me. The veteran CrossFitters (I was there early, and the class before was just wrapping up) looked me up and down and then turned away, without so much as even a smile. The box was so minimalist in nature (as CrossFit is “supposed” to be), and everyone looked exactly.the.same. They all wore tall socks (supposedly, to prevent injury during box jumps and deadlifts), shorts, tanks (girls), and tees (guys), and all the guys were tatted up, and all the girls had their hair up exactly the same way (in a half-ponytail/half-bun) and wore identical headbands (in different colours at least). When people talk about the cult of CrossFit, these die-hards are who they’re referring to. The only thing missing was Vibrams (those creepy looking toe shoes!) and a Paleo food guide (although they did sell coconut water)! The trainers seemed nice and friendly enough, but even the other beginners were dressed just like the experienced CrossFitters. Did I miss the memo or something?

Once we began working out, I started to appreciate that the trainers really focused on form. I’m a huge proponent of training in a full range of motion and usually go through my exercises slowly and in control (even if that means I check my ego at the door and lift lighter weights than I could with poor form). I was actually surprised that I could do the exercises with ease and did not look half as exhausted as most of the other people in class! (I may look fit and have experience lifting, but I’m not the strongest person in the gym, I don’t do cardio, and my flexibility could most definitely be better!) And then came the WOD (Workout Of the Day).

WODs are metabolic conditioning (aka. metcon. These CrossFitters love their acronyms!) workouts that generally take from 7–20 minutes (I think) and usually involve doing AMRAPs (As Many Rounds As Possible) within a given time or timing how long it takes to get through a certain circuit (or many circuits). The WODs seem to all have names of people as well. We did a modified version of Cynthia yesterday (so we did 10 minutes instead of 20), which involved doing as many circuits of 5 pullups (using coloured bands to support us and make pullups in a full range of motion easier), 10 pushups (chest to floor), and 15 squats as possible.

When we went to grab our pullup bands, the trainers forced me to take one of the most difficult bands, while everyone else took the easiest band. They claimed that since the form on my pullups was so exceptional, I could handle the extra challenge. If they said so…

Anyway, we went through the workout, and afterward, they wanted to record how many circuits we were able to get through in 10 minutes (we’ll do the same workout at the end of my four-week course so we can see our improvements). When I told them how many circuits I had completed (10 and change), the guy next to me said he hadn’t been counting, but he’d done 2 fewer than me. This guy had also made a comment about being sore that he had to use an easy band (he thought he was strong enough to use the kind of band I was using) before the WOD, and now even with his easy band, he couldn’t even keep up? I’d never expected CrossFit to be an ego boost, but I left the class feeling not only powerful, but a little bit addicted as well. Even if headbands aren’t really my thing.

Update: I had my fourth CrossFit class yesterday, and I seriously love it more and more each time! Learning new moves is so empowering (like handstand pushups! Hello!), and the coaches are incredibly encouraging! I really love that CrossFit covers so many aspects of fitness (strength, agility, flexibility, and even cardio!), and I’m even embracing the competitive aspect of it! Let this be a lesson to my readers to try something new and venture outside of your comfort zone! You may just find something you LOVE (and maybe even are good at!)!

Rediscovering the Happiness in My Hobby

I know it’s been an eternity since my last blog post, but I’ve just been collecting so many ideas for blog posts that it’s been difficult to organize my thoughts!

If you follow my Facebook page, you’ll know that nationals was a great experience but that I came in completely unprepared as far as posing goes. It is so vastly different from posing in Alberta, and despite asking around, no one told me about these differences! Still, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had, I looked the best I ever had, and now I know what to expect next time! I enjoyed my time on stage and despite placing dead last (well, I tied for last place!), and I have no regrets!

Anyway, the mindset I brought with me to nationals was that I just wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to savour each moment of being there, not just on stage. I travelled to Vancouver for the competition, so I wanted to enjoy the new sights and sounds around me, as well as the experience of being around so many beautiful, fit people. I tried to keep calm, regardless of what was happening (like our 2-hour wait to check in!) and stop and smell the roses (literally, as cheesy as that is!). My husband was able to join me in Vancouver, and I managed to spend some time with an old friend I haven’t seen in far too long! And of all the competitions, this one was by far the most enjoyable.

I made a major mind shift at a photo shoot just the week before. I was telling the photographer about competing, and I had almost started to bring the focus to the negative sides of competing. At that point, I had been meticulous about my diet for months and was more than ready to relax in the offseason. (To be clear, I was NOT starving—I was eating about 1500-1600 calories a day and doing two 20-minute cardio sessions per week—but I just wanted to be able to go a restaurant and not stress about how they cooked their food or whether the nutritional information they listed was accurate.) At that point, the photographer said the words that changed my perspective:

“But you enjoy it, right?”

OK, so they weren’t pearls of wisdom by any stretch. They were just part of a casual conversation, but they shifted my whole approach to competing. Yes, certain aspects of competing are hard (I can’t stand all of the exfoliating that I have to do for weeks leading up to the competition so that the tan goes on evenly, and sometimes, I want to eat an extra bite of chicken breast!), but if I don’t enjoy it, why am I doing it? Competing should be a hobby—in fact, it has to be! Nobody (at least no woman) can make a living solely by competing. Sure, competing can provide a great launchpad for other things, like sponsorship or starting one’s own training business, but competing itself is a hobby. For example, the winner of the bikini division at Olympia (the biggest competition of the year!) earns $40 000. A person can’t survive on that for a year! Especially after paying all that money to compete in the first place!

With that all in mind, I had to ask myself why I was competing. If it wasn’t fun, and if I wasn’t enjoying it, why was I competing? It’s all to easy to focus on the negative (the time I had to spend exfoliating or practising my posing or the restaurant visits I had to decline) without seeing the positive (the great physical shape I’m in and the experience of competing on the national level!). By not taking things too seriously and adopting this relaxed state of mind, this competition was my best yet! It was the most enjoyable from start to finish (for my husband, I think, too!), and I think I not only brought my best physical package to the stage, but my stage presentation improved in leaps and bounds, even from provincials!

This is the attitude I’m bringing with me into the offseason, and I’m taking this calm approach and remembering to enjoy life (and focus on the things that are more important than appearance—like EVERYTHING else in life!). There are so many other things I want to experience, especially with regard to fitness and health. For example, lately, I’ve been doing more yoga to help my back, which has started giving me some grief lately, and I recently began CROSSFIT, which I will blog about soon! I haven’t committed to any more competitions, but as long as it remains FUN and I’m able to do it in a healthy manner, there will be more in my future!

Time

Oops! So much for my “more regular” blogging activity! One minute, I was swept up in the competition whirlwind that was mid-June, and all of a sudden, I’m less than 6 weeks out from nationals! Where does the time go? I spent this time training and watching my diet as usual (lifting heavy and changing my rep ranges, and increasing carbs and fats in my diet), and I’ve now been working with Layne again for the past 2 weeks. I’m feeling stronger in the gym, and it feels great eating some more delicious carbs and fats! (He did say that we’ll drop the hammer at 4 weeks out, so I’m enjoying this while I can!)

It always takes me by surprise how fast time flies, and it’s something that’s become especially clear to me since I started my fitness journey (I need to come up with a better term for it, because it sounds so clichéd! It also makes it sound like there’s an end to this “journey,” and it’s really more of a lifestyle that I’ll hopefully be able to maintain in some shape or form forever!). It’s been about a year since I started working with Layne (see? Time flies!), and while it may have taken some getting used to at first (for me, the biggest thing was becoming conscious of what I was eating. Food served a purpose and wasn’t there simply to cram into my mouth whenever I saw it or felt bored), once I got “into the groove,” it was the easiest thing in the world. Sure, my macros change periodically, but I’m basically on autopilot.

One of those “motivational” quotes (I know, they’re so clichéd, but they really do help!) that first kept me going at first was “Whether you do it or not, the time will pass.” Each day, while in itself insignificant, contributes to the end result. Will it matter if you skip a single workout or cheat on your diet? In the grand scheme of things, of course one day will not derail your progress. But whatever your ideal is with regards to appearance, health, or performance, each day can be an investment toward reaching that ideal. It sounds like common knowledge that if you set aside a certain amount of money each day, it adds up with time, and eventually, you’ll have a nice little chunk of change. Fitness and health are like that too. However, many people seem to have little trouble understanding that saving up just a small amount of money each month will lead to a big payout when they retire, but they can’t seem to stick with a fitness or nutrition plan longer than a couple of weeks.

Let me try to explain a diet or fitness plan in monetary terms. Let’s say you start an extreme crash diet and fitness plan. You’re in the gym 7 days a week, surviving on 1000 calories a day. It’s really hard, and it’s really uncomfortable (and it’s definitely not maintainable). Say this equals an effort worth $10 a day. On the other hand, let’s say you start a very moderate diet and exercise program that you can easily work into your everyday life. The effort required for this type of program might be worth about $1 a day. You can only sustain the extreme measures for two weeks, but you can sustain the moderate program for a year. At the end of the year (or at the end of your life, if you want to look at the big picture), who’s reaped the greater reward? Not to mention the metabolic damage and rebound that’s bound to have happened with the two-week program. Even factor in a few “off” days into the dollar-a-day plan, and it still trumps the quick fix!

If health is wealth, how are you contributing to your future physical wealth today? Put a dollar aside in your health piggybank, and eat nutritiously today. Sneak in a quick workout (it doesn’t even have to take longer than a few minutes!). Time will pass as it always does whether you do or you don’t, but in the end, if you keep investing little by little, the payout will be worth the wait. Be patient with your body like you are with your money, and you’ll eventually reap the rewards.

Long Time No Blog!

Goodness, so much has happened since my last update (sorry about that…time really flies when you’re busy! It’s like I just blinked, and here I am!)! I hardly know where to begin, but I’ll start from where I left off!

A few months ago, I thought I would plan my own diet to get ready for the competitions in June (the Oxygen model search in Toronto on June 1 and the Southern Alberta Bodybuilding Competition in Red Deer on June 8). Stupidly, I thought this would be a good time to dabble in intermittent fasting (IF). I had read many online articles about it, and even though the results seemed to be less consistent for women (based on our hormones, which just LOVE to store fat!), I figured I would be OK. Under the IF schedule, I would skip breakfast, work out fasted (with just BCAAs), and eat all my meals within a 10-hour window each day (which meant more food in this limited time frame). I enjoyed eating this way, but my weight wasn’t budging, and I wasn’t seeing the results I should have been, especially as I kept reducing my food intake. Then, I decided to simply use the plan I had initially been on with Layne, but again, I just wasn’t seeing anything happening! At that point (about six weeks ago now), I reached out to Layne to see if he could coach me. Unfortunately, since I came to him so close to my competition, he had to refer me to someone else (he didn’t want to rush diet me for a competition in such a short time). I contacted Brooke Erickson, who was FANTASTIC! She managed to get me bikini ready in record time, and my carbs were relatively high the whole time!

The Toronto show was a bit of a disaster! The day before the show, I had THE photo shoot with Paul Buceta (dream come true!), which was incredible, but when I went to the “official” spray tanners for the show, the nightmare started! First, my appointment wasn’t until 11:20 PM the night before. I showed up early and decided to wait for an opening. Finally, there was one, and I was able to get sprayed at about 10:30. So, I was brought into this room with five portable spray-tanning booths set up, and naked tanned women walking around everywhere waiting for their tans to dry. I was spray tanned, which was fine, but then I had to wait for it to dry. And wait. And wait. And wait. Standing in front of a fan blowing cold air at my naked body. Finally, at almost 1 AM, they told me to go home, and they’d fix it in the morning (my tan never dried for some reason! Other girls were in and out in 10 minutes!). My poor hubby was stuck in downtown Toronto waiting for me, and I couldn’t have felt more terrible! The next morning, I went to get hair and makeup done by the same “official” people. As I sat down in the hair and makeup lady’s chair, she asked what kind of look I wanted: “Porn star or natural?” I said I wanted a natural look, but what I ended up with was the farthest thing from natural I’ve ever seen!!! So I did the show and then left with my hubby. The expo was really small (but maybe I’ve just been spoiled by the Olympia), and we wanted to actually enjoy some time together in Toronto! After that, we met my brother for dinner, and the next day, it was on to visit another friend in Ontario. The model search had just been intended as a warmup for my show on June 8 anyway, and since I felt fine on stage, I figured that was enough!

Stage shot from the model search

Comparisons at the model search

Oh-so natural (NOT!)

Fast forward a week, and I was on stage again, this time in Red Deer! I had a BEAUTIFUL suit made by Vizion Couture, and I was ready to get on stage! Never before have I felt that confident on stage, and it was a moment I’ll never forget! However, backstage after prejudging, I was informed that the bottoms to my bikini (which had been APPROVED the night before at the athletes’ meeting!) were too small and that I would have to change before the evening show (thank goodness I had the red bikini from last year with me!!!). Canada’s bikini rules require that suits cover at least 50% of the glutes, and even though I knew my suit was pushing it a bit, other girls had much smaller suits (and mine had been approved!)! Anyway, after prejudging, I brought my red bikini to the judges to make sure it was appropriate. They had me change into it and show them to make sure it was OK. But they were STILL unconvinced, and had me bend over while one of the judges pulled the suit over my glutes to see what it would look like with Bikini Bite (a glue that all competitors use to stick their suits to their bodies and prevent any unwanted slipping or shifting!). Finally, they agreed that I could wear it, but I could not have been more humiliated! I spent the afternoon with my former sister-in-law and my nephew, having a great time catching up, but with lingering worry about my suit fiasco! During the morning “prejudging” show (this is actually where almost all of the judging takes place; the night show is mostly there for entertainment and to hand out awards), I was in the second and third groups for comparison. At a show, they call groups of about 5 to stand next to each other for comparisons (each group is referred to as a callout). They generally switch the positions of certain girls (the closer a girl is to the middle of the lineup, the higher she usually places) so they can see who looks best in comparison with the other girls. Since our height class had 11 girls, they did three callouts, and some of us went up with the third group as well. I felt I had done the best I could, even though I wasn’t called with the first group (the first callout is usually the top 5), so I still had high hopes for placing. At the night show, I found out I had received fifth place, which qualified me for Provincials, taking place on June 15 in Edmonton! So with that, I was in competition mode yet again!

The too-small (but beautiful!) blue suit

My backup (also beautiful) red suit

The Top 5

I asked one of the judges after the evening show for some feedback. The judge I managed to talk to (one of the head judges) gave me some advice with my posing, and said that unfortunately, my first suit choice cost me some points. But she actually had me ranked as first place! (The final placing takes the average of all the judges.) Had I not qualified for provincials, I probably would have simply asked for feedback via email, but since I had only one week to prepare for provincials, I figured I needed advice ASAP!

This brings us to last weekend. (My apologies if this post has been kind of confusing. Trying to condense all this excitement into a few paragraphs is quite challenging!) To make it to the PROVINCIAL championships was a HUGE accomplishment for me (especially having placed dead last in my first competition last October), so I was just excited to be there! My mom and my best friend were in the audience for the prejudging show, and I didn’t want to disappoint them! Wearing my red bikini (I had also rush ordered new, even more conservative bottoms for the show!), I went on stage and felt…NERVOUS! I was so angry with myself for feeling nervous on stage after feeling so relaxed and confident the previous weekend that I know my presentation was not all that it could have been (although I felt it couldn’t have been terrible). Since there were only 8 girls in my height class, we were called in one group for comparisons, and the judges immediately moved me closer to the middle of the line! I wasn’t moved around for the rest of the comparisons (although they were moving the girls on the other side around a lot), so I wasn’t quite sure how I’d placed, but I figured the move toward the middle was a good sign. The two girls on the other side of me (toward the ends) were girls who had beaten me before—one girl had placed fourth at the competition in October, and the other girl placed second at the competition the week before!—so as much as it wasn’t about winning for me, it did feel kind of nice to know that I had improved! I was able to hang out with my mom and my friend for most of the afternoon (and enjoy some delicious sweet potato fries!), and after waiting around for a looong time in the evening, it was time to find out the results. The competitor numbers in my category went from 150 to 157, and I was 156. They called the numbers of the top 5 to the front: “150, 151, 152, 153…” and at this point, I was starting to worry (there were already four girls up there!). But then they called ME! I ended up getting fifth place again!!! That means I qualified for the NATIONAL championships, which take place August 17 in Vancouver! (Since I didn’t get third place or higher, I have to compete in nationals this year or requalify next year.) At Nationals, there’s the opportunity to earn an IFBB Pro Card!!!

The Top 5

My lovely medal from Provincials!

I’ve already booked Layne to coach me for Nationals (8 weeks out as of this coming Saturday!), and I’ve asked my suit designer (of the blue suit that I love so much!) to make me larger bottoms, so I’ll be allowed to wear it in August. My hotel is booked, I’m trying to book a spray tan (I’m not going to try to tan myself for Nationals—it’s kind of a big deal, and I don’t want to have to worry about anything!), and I’m going to book my flight soon using my Aeroplan points. Everything is falling into place, and I just have to get my mind focused properly. I think that was one of the reasons I was a bit nervous last weekend. Up until my competition on the 8^th, I had spent the last few weeks convincing myself that I would win the competition and envisioning a win. Although I didn’t win, I think that played a huge role in the confidence I felt on stage. And since I had just a week of positive self-talk before provincials, I wasn’t as “on” as I had been the week before. That’s my theory at least, so I’m working on training my mind for August!

Anyway, sorry that this has been such a monster post, but I’m going to start posting more regularly as I now embark on Operation Pro Card! Wish me luck!!!